Do we lose ourselves when we commit to a relationship? Miranda Holden has discovered that by committing we find our freedom.
It has become clear to me recently how important it is for us to make a conscious commitment to love, if we would allow our relationships to become vehicles for the Divine. The Course asks us to: ?Be vigilant only for God and His Kingdom? (T101/109), which is to be committed to the ways of love and union only.
It struck me that it is not enough just to be committed to addressing our fear, we must commit to practising the ways of love; that it is not enough to want to give up judgment, we must commit to practising forgiveness; that it is not enough to want to end war, we must commit to practising peace; and that it is not enough to want to heal our desire for separation, we must commit to union.
The true Self?s great desire is to join, to?unite us together, that we might?remember our unity with the Divine.?The ego?s, fear-based mind?s, desire is?to ?keep our options open? ? to avoid?committing wholeheartedly to?anything or anyone. When we do not?consciously commit to love, we?automatically get pulled along with the?general current of fear, which predominates the thinking of the world, and we wonder why our relationships seem to be problematic.
Truly committing to love in our relationships is a decision that we make, a foundation that we build, that makes us more honest, more open-hearted and more vulnerable. To the Holy Spirit, this is a vehicle for freedom, presenting us with the safety to drop our defences, to look at and let go of our fears, and to allow our true Self to step forward.
Prison
To the ego, commitment is a prison, where we lose our self, our ?individuality,? and get swallowed up by the needs and desires of another (including God). At worst, the ego sees commitment as potential death, and at best, believes that we might miss out on something better. Either way, the ego mind will always advise us to adopt a ?wait and see? attitude. This ensures that we never find our heart, or our happiness.
I know from my personal experience, how freeing commitment to love can be. My relationship with my husband, Robert, was dedicated from the beginning, to act as a vehicle for the Holy Spirit and for our mutual awakening, and in four years we have witnessed a great deal of transformation. Getting married increased our commitment to truly be with one another in the arms of God, and it unexpectedly increased the level of safety within the relationship. I did not expect to feel so vulnerable and so porous at this level of intimacy, however I learnt that in the womb of such commitment, there is simply nowhere for the ego to hide. I began to see how potent a purifier Love is; flushing to the surface all the blocks to love for our awareness and release.
There were moments when this felt quite frightening, yet somehow, immensely liberating. My commitment to continue to open my heart and to join my mind in this relationship softened me, made me more honest, more forgiving, more devoted to the Divine, and showed me how to let the walls come down in all my relationships.
True Joining
There were moments when I felt that I was ?losing myself.? I was losing something: the persona that I had created to keep me different, separate, special or subtly better than others. My relationship with Robert has shown me the value and the gift of giving up ?individuality? for ?all-one-ness.? Freedom comes not when we give our individuality to another person, in what is known as co-dependency, but when we give our desire to be individual to the Holy Spirit. The Course says that ?in him [our brother/sister] we will find our self or lose our self.? (T132/142) I leant that whenever I think of myself as an individual, I lose my self and my strength. However, when I let that give way to ?all-one- ness? and truly join with another, I find my Self.
I dare you to find the willingness within your heart to truly join with the people in your life. A good place to start would be with your husband, wife, lover, mother, father, brother, sister or friend. If you can practise commitment to love with them, you can be the presence of love with anyone. Select someone with whom you would like to move into greater love and honesty, and incorporate this prayer into your daily spiritual practice:
Beloved God,
I thank you for the gift that (name) is in my life. I know that You have sent me this person to help me find my Self. I give You my relationship with (name) and pray that You will take us both and hold us in Your loving arms, that together we might remember all that is truthful, and learn to forget all that is false. I give to you my desire to be separate from You and from (name), and I give to you my fear of truly joining with (name) and with You. I ask for Your courage and Your strength to bust forth from within me, helping me to truly commit to love, to commit to union, to commit to peace and to commit to joy in this, and in every relationship. For it is my will and Yours that I be free, that I be happy, and that I be at peace. Thank you.
Amen.
Reproduced with permission from Ian Patrick of the Miracle Network UK (http://www.miracles.org.uk/), from Issue 12 of the Miracle Worker
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